cancerstick diaries: melancholy man

So it's just occurred to me it's been about two years since I last made a post on this blog. In the time that's passed since then I've been kicked out of the Acid Ballet, found and lost friends, started HRT(!!!!), seen The Cure one more time and Gary Numan twice more (and met him again!), lost and gained cats, suffered a few nervous breakdowns, gotten into Star Wars, and completely changed my hairstyle. It's been a very long and bumpy ride to get to the point where I can look in the mirror without completely despising the way I look and the person I am in general, but I'm happy to know that I can get to that point at all.

It also turns out I'm going to this:

I admit I had to go into my savings to be able to afford it. I'd been agonising over it for days, so I figured I might as well bite the bullet and get a ticket because I'd regret it if I didn't, right? I've even planned an outfit and everything.

geggy boat outfit brainstorm eeekk by whinygothbaby featuring river island boots

I've decided on a jacket since then, though! I already have the shorts and hat and the bodysuit - I'm not sure what I'm gonna do about the boots, because I tried them on in the shop and they turned out to be too narrow for my feet. And also it never really occurred to me how hard it actually is to find a good red liquid to matte lipstick (it has to be cruelty free, affordable, available in the UK and not made by a shitty racist company) until I actually started searching!
I'm anxious about the whole thing, really. Who knows if I'm gonna survive the journey up to London or not? I mean, where would I do my makeup so it still looks good by the time I get there? Forgive me if I sound vain, but if someone takes pictures and I happen to be in them, I'd rather be thinking about what a great time I had at the Gary Numan tour afterparty instead of how ugly and greasy and blobby I was. Since starting HRT back in December I've had facial hair growing too, but only in the form of a shitty teenage moustache, and holy fuck I wish that wasn't the most that'll grow right now. Jesus.

And of course I've had the usual worries about being able to have a job or a car or a place of my own, but I'd rather not get into that. I'm just gonna post some pictures of Gary Numan that I think are really good