silkspun

God, I guess this is just one of those times when I revisit old shit to humble myself, isn’t it? It’s been another three stupid years since I last wrote anything for this blog, and if I’m honest, I don’t really see myself reliably updating as often as I’d like. In fact, I only recently just remembered it even exists, along with another stupid blog I set up ten years ago when I was 16 and I’d just gotten into trouble at school and at home for writing gay fanfiction about Pink Floyd and accidentally letting it get passed around a classroom, oh my god! It was private at the time, and I promised myself I’d make it public when I was 18, but then in October 2010 I got into The Cure and I just kinda.... forgot about it. But at some point I did make it public eventually, which was probably a huge mistake because I’m looking at it now and my god, I really was a bastard, wasn’t I? I was a bit of a proponent of non-/dub-con (which really are just polite terms for rape) in fanfiction, and it took me many months and connecting with a more progressive online social circle to realise that sexual assault isn’t something to be romanticised or trivialised. Thank fuck for that honestly.

I’m thinking, actually, about the sheer closeted trans guy energies my speech patterns and mannerisms at the time give off, if there even are any or I’m just reading into shit way too much as usual. Sometimes I just want to travel backwards in time, look 16-year-old me in the eye, and tell him “Bro, the reason you’re so preoccupied with these prog rock dudes fucking each other is because you’re living vicariously through your own shitty writing; you’re secretly a dude who wants to fuck dudes… in the butt.” and see how he reacts. That would actually be so funny though

Too bad I can’t go out and fuck another man right now because there’s a deadly pandemic ravaging the entire planet and almost every government except for New Zealand is handling it terribly. A relationship in general would just be really nice right now. I’m honestly not even picky about which gender anymore because I’m attracted to multiple genders anyway lmao

Anyway I got top surgery last year and that was great