hello

I went on holiday to Tunisia, caught a stomach bug when I got back only to catch a cold as soon as I recovered from it, forgot to do anything and finished Unit 83. On Monday I went to see Lana Del Rey and it was all so magical and lovely!! At the end of National Anthem Lana went offstage to sign everyone's things and take photos with people who were at the front and the band played for longer so she could get round to everybody, and she signed my ticket and I gave her a flower hair clip and touched her arm! I love Lana, she's so magical and sweet. I didn't get a photo but I don't mind. Yesterday my mum and I went to see The Great Gatsby at the cinemas. I liked it a lot even though I didn't finish the book, and I nearly cried at the end.
It's too warm today. I wish it was winter so I could be happy with the way things are. I want to listen to all of my favourite songs that I can't listen to when it's sunny. I don't like the sun, it's very big and bright and hot and nasty. I wish that I could be happy.

On the 17th of June I'm going to see Peter Murphy at the O2 Academy and he's going to be playing all Bauhaus songs! I'm looking forward to it a lot, but what's a bit annoying is that I haven't got any concerts between then and November. I'm going to see Gary Numan again in November! I've missed him a lot. I tried to get VIP tickets for the Wolvernanpton gig, but they were all sold out so I got some for Nottingham instead, so I'm going down to Nottingham for the afternoon and then going to Wolverhampton 9 days later. I need to full the spaces between June and November but nobody I like is playing gigs at the moment. If I go to gigs for the sake of going to gigs then I won't enjoy myself and I don't really like folksy jangly indie like The Kooks and all that rubbish. It all just seems so vapid to me.
I'm not above pop like Britney Spears and Nicki Minaj and Beyoncé and Prince and all those things. I happen to really like Beyoncé and I think more people should choose her as their feminist icon. It's really hard to find feminist icons in popular media who don't have something rubbish about them - like Kate Nash is supposed to be a feminist icon but she calls other women whores, and don't get me started on Caitlin Moran!
Alice Glass is confrontational and very vocal about current affairs concerning people who are oppressed, and she's been one of my favourites for a long time. Grimes has railed against sexism and her song 'Oblivion' tackles violent assault. Beyoncé is a very important figure in terms of modern day feminism - her music encourages female strength, independence and friendship when there are countless other female celebrities who slut-shame and say things like 'I'm not like other girls'. Internalised misogyny is very detrimental to feminism and it needs to be challenged and tackled in mainstream media.

I want to see men like me in popular media, particularly transgender men. I want to see a (trans) man who doesn't feel obliged to be hypermasculine because he's a man, I want to see a (trans) man wearing a leopard print fur coat and heavy eyeliner without anybody questioning it, I want to see a (trans) man who isn't misogynist and stands in solidarity with his female peers. I feel so alone and underrepresented in my life, and I wish that there was something I could do about it. But I'm only small.

I can't wait to see Gary again and I hope he remembers me and I get to hug him lots.