all we ever wanted was everything

College is really bringing me down quite a bit, and by a bit I mean a lot. I feel like a ghost with no friends, just people I talk to sometimes, and if I do have friends I'm scared I might lose them any second now. On Monday a friend of mine Liv told me and my other friend Jess about something that happened with a boy we hang around with at the smoking area - she went to his house and he punched her a lot - and yesterday I told the head of teaching and learning about it and I feel like I've betrayed Liv's trust. But I've never really liked this boy anyway, not since he posted a status on Facebook in December about how girls should 'have a bit of responsibility and not get innocent men into trouble' which could be construed as victim blaming and rape apologism. I'd also found ou that when he was going out with Jess he punched her on the arm, and I don't even want to imagine what else he might have done to her. I'm really scared about Liv finding out that I told someone about what boy #1 did to her, because apparently she's started defending him. I'm not angry at her but it's really terrifying. The person I told already spoke to Jess, and at one point she's going to talk to Liv too, and I know this because she told me. I might as well drop out now because I'm scared of losing my friends.
There's also another boy I know who hangs out at the smoking area, and on Friday he crossed the line of what I'd like as a friend and what I wouldn't. Liv told me that she and another friend of ours were lining up to get food from the canteen when this particular boy came up to them both and they were joking around as usual, but when she said 'your momma' as a joke he took it more seriously than he probably should have done, having a go at her because his mum apparently had a heart condition, and Liv told him that her dad had had a heart condition which had eventually killed him. At that point, the boy had another one of his fainting fits (which I've been beginning to suspect are fake) because nobody was on his side, and Liv and other friend just gave up and went to sit down to eat their food. After that the boy came back up to them again and apologised - which technically wasn't an apology because he was just having a go at Liv even more. When it became apparent that Liv was fed up of his shit he had another 'fainting fit'. He's really crossed the line now, and I'd had a bad feeling about him for a while which I couldn't quite put my finger on. He's underage so he can't buy his own cigarettes, so he tries to get us to go to the shop for him and always asks for cigarettes from us, and when we first met he told me his sob story which was probably a way to gain my trust so he could use me for cigarettes.
People at this college wear me out. This college wears me out.

I bought a Hello Kitty soft toy from Ryman's yesterday. She was born on the 1st of November in London and her interests are music, travel and reading.

On Monday I went to see Peter Murphy at the O2 Academy after college. I had lots of fun! I met some people from Only After Dark and a few people from Tumblr as well. I took the opportunity to use my new digital camera, which has a 12x zoom and it's really good!




The set consisted entirely of Bauhaus songs, which I really liked. I met a girl called Zoe who I know from Tumblr, she dresses in a deathrock style and has lots of badges and patches and things and she's really cool! We were both at the barrier and we made eye contact with Peter Murphy several times. I still have no idea who the support band were. The concert was at the Academy 2, which is a smaller venue inside the O2 Academy building where The Horrors played the first time I saw them two years ago. Afterwards I bought a little badge which had the Bauhaus logo on it and Zoe got the setlist! I had lots of fun and it was nice to forget about rubbish college for a while.

I don't know what else to write. Should I write anything else? The person on the computer next to me is really annoying.