Before I went to sleep I went on the Iron Maiden Fan Club online forum and in the General Politics thread, hoping to see people talking about Wendy Davis or DOMA. Instead I saw people being nasty about Rachel Jeantel, a friend of Trayvon Martin and one of the defendants at the George Zimmerman trial, so for some dumb reason I stepped in. Here I've included screenshots of the whole thing that happened before I decided I was fed up.
(I accidentally said 'is' instead of 'isn't' whoops! Massive faux pas on my part!)
I'm feeling upset and weary just recounting this. If there's anything I've done wrong please let me know.
Anyway, by the end of it I put down my phone and burst into tears, and I relapsed badly after a month of not cutting. Hopefully my mum hadn't gone to sleep yet, and she told me that maybe I shouldn't go on that website anymore. I don't think I want to anyway. I was thinking of making it my last year there anyway, because I can't afford to pay £20 a year to resubscribe.
Since then those people have been saying nasty things like I'm a 'confused little girl' and I need help because I have problems in my head, but they didn't seem to be showing actual concern or anything, they were just using it to insult and patronise me. Luckily someone was nice about me, even if it was the only nice thing that has ever been said about me during the course of the discussion.
I sent this person a private message to thank them and explain that I wasn't going to be using that website anymore.
I'm feeling very fragile and unsteady right now. I always knew that there was a reason I shouldn't be using that sort of website, and I think I've just found it. I'm sick of racist white cishet men trying to justify their use of offensive slurs, and I'm sick of people trying to patronise me for my beliefs and the things I have to deal with every day. I'm just glad I didn't kill myself that night, because I still have a lot of things to look forward to. My head is all full of things that need saying. I don't know what they all are. I hate those kind of Iron Maiden fans. They don't care about people who are marginalised and oppressed. They only care about their precious 2nd Amendment. It makes me want to weep.
I decided not to go to Bernard yesterday, so I stayed in and watched Hannibal with my mum instead.
That was really rude of them actually. You don't fucking tell people they 'have problems'. Stay away from that site, yes.
ReplyDeleteAnd I really do understand why you got so upset. I hope you're feeling better now. Take care!